Can’t believe Ben is in preschool already. Time flies when you are busy.

I am not sure how often I would be using Xanga.  Somehow I always come back to it when I just want to write something, however, I can never carry it out through and through like some of the people I know. 

I was just visiting my cousin-in-law’s weblog and his blog has been up and running for 4 years and 130 days.  He started the weblog after his first and only child was born.  Since then, he continues to write and record the loving memory of his child’s growth.  I am so ashamed of myself that I actually remembered I have an LIFE TIME membership here on Xanga. 

Is this another near-the-end-of-the-year-resolution?  Will I be able to keep it up everyday? 

I honestly don’t know.

With this child, I had two fasle alarms in the previous week before he was born.  One night on the 14th of February, I was coughing like a mad man and finally put a muscle somewhere near the side of the lower left ribcage.  I was in so much pain that I think I smacked my husband’s hands away when he came near to touch me.  I thought I would sleep it off until the pain was so unbearable that I had to wake him up at 4 in the morning to take me to ER.  The fact that I was coughing continuously didn’t help.  When I got to the ER, the nurse freaked out when I told her I was at 37th week and she thought I was having backpain labor.  Eh, I don’t know I was that lucky but she rushed me to maternity on the 8th floor anyway. 

I got a prescription for Percocet and it was a god-send.  I got cough syrup with codeine too.  It seems funny now [I can reassure everyone that it was not at all amusing back then when I had to embrace myself for pain everytime I cough] but I was high for a couple of days and I liked it.  >.<

[Percocet]

On the 22nd, I woke up and I felt a big woosh of thing fell out from my vagina, I thought my water broke.  My husband and I both panic because with Duke, my water broke first too.  By the time I got to the hospital, the doctor confirm that it was just a fasle alarm and that big woosh of “THINGS” were just mucus.  Whoever heard of mucus falling out from a vagina anyway!  [Yes, this is my second child but the two pregancy were so different that I felt like I was pregnent again for the first time.]

On the night of the 26th, I was feeling weird around 10 or 11 at night.  I was afraid that it was another false alarm so I didn’t say anyway to my mother.  I told my husband and he thought I should go to the ER again but I waited until 5 the next morning when it finally hit me that I should be safe than sorry.  It really didn’t matter if the nurses recognized me and they probably knew that all pregnent mommies are paranoid anyway. RIGHT?  So, around 6 in the afternoon, I was fully dilated and Ben was born half an hour later.  On the side note, I have to give it to kayoko .  I do not know how she can look so clean, so radiant, so pretty after childbirth.  I was a mess.  I was sweaty, smelly, swearing and sobbing at the same time.  I lost it man and I was sobbing.  The nurse, Shuana, had to totally scream to get me out of the truama-induced hysteria. 

Now, I am just glad Ben is here.

I can’t believe how long it has been since I log on.  I am ashamed of my own laziness, especially since I am a life time member.  Here I am again, resting as most Asian women do after childbirth. 

BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT
BEN YE
DOB: FEBRUARY 27, 2009
WEIGHT: 8 LB. 10 OZ.
HEIGHT: 21 IN.

Empire State Building

My OB told me the preliminary test result came back “apparently normal FISH screen”.  Well, normal is good right?

On top of that, I am also having a BOY!  Oh-boy~  I was really looking forward to have a little girl.  After-all, shopping would be way more fun.  >.<  My in-laws seem happy.  They are like the OLD OLD OLD fashion Chinese people.  Sometimes, I feel like women in many ways, are measure by their abilities to have MALE offspring.  These people DO KNOW that the sex of our babies are not up to us, right?

I am officially at the end of my 18th week.  I started to feel the baby moving right around last week.  I was worried, upset, and extremely angry at my husband for days, until the result came back.  Now, I told him he is not to leave me for China until the baby is born.  (>.< )

Duke is now 4 1/2.  He knows he is having a baby brother.  He seems excited.  The other day, when I was arguing with my husband, he came up to me and said, “Mommy!  Shhhhhhhh~ The baby is sleeping!”  I was so happy at my son’s sensitivity to other people’s need, I sobbed.  [[My husband is "yuck yuck yuck"  <--too much Boston Legal.]]

I think I am going to name this new baby BEN.  It’s easy to pronounce.  I want my parents, my in-laws to feel comfortable calling my kids.  I can’t fathom the fact that many Chinese grandparents simply couldn’t pronouce their grand-children’s name.  It’s not their fault!  Everyone has an accent in the U.S., but NOT the parents too!  When you name your kids, think about your parents!  They love YOU, don’t make it hard for them to call-out your children. 

These are some of the names I’ve heard on the playground, called out by the kid’s parents, grandparents.

Andrew–> An-Jew

Valerie–>Well-well-wee

Jordan–>Zhoa-den

William–>We-lee-yum

I have not been resting well since Tuesday.  Tomorrow, if all things went well, I will get the preliminary result of my Amniocentesis.  I can’t bring myself to think about it at all.  I tried to occupy my time with just about everything else in my life.  Just there other day, Duke told me that he wanted a baby sister.  He promised he would be a good brother and he would help feed the baby.  What do I tell him if the test result shows that the baby has Down Syndrome?  I will not keep the baby.  Since I am now officially in my 18th week, I might have to have an induced abortion.  What does having an abortion feel like?  Does it feel like the actual labor?  Do I lay down and get knocked out while the doctor scrap and scrub?  The worst thing is that if the result is not available tomorrow, then I would have to wait another day.  

On Tuesday, my doctor calle and told me to go in and see him.  I knew something was wrong.  I was at the hospital a few weeks ago for the first trimester screening.  The screening came back positive.  It means that my baby is at a “greater” risk of having Down Syndrome.  Yesterday, I was scheduled to get an amniocentesis and the experience was not painful but it was more or less a very traumatic event for me.   Now, I have to wait until Monday, at the earliest, for the preliminary result.  I can only hope for the best for my baby.  He is already 17 weeks old and I don’t think I can handle it emotionally if I have to get an abortion. 

Personally, if the result suggest that baby has Down Syndrome, I will not keep him.  Honestly, I don’t think I can love him the way he deserves.  Why bring them to this world if you know you will not be able to take care of them?  The way people will look at you and your baby. 

BREATHE…

My evil husband is going to China again.  He always does that to me!  This time he will be gone from Nov 1-Dec 27. 

TWO whole months!

His reason is that he must attend two wedding parties.  His cousin (my father-in-law’s younger brother’s only son) is getting marry in November and his other cousin (my mother in law’s younger brother’s only daughter) is also getting marry in December.  Seriously, these all sound so wonderful but I am PREGNANT!  I do not want to travel to out of side during pregnancy.  Everytime I travel to China, I get sick.  I just don’t trust the doctors there. 

*Steam* coming out from my head.

I am going to cancel all of his credit cards and his bank cards so that he can’t withdraw money from China.  Puahhaha!